Samurai Deeper Kyo: Ouran Style
by Irish Yasha
Summary: What happens when you split open a twisted girl's head, pour in some SDK with a few dashes of OHSHC, weld my head back together and shake it up a little bit? Crack...and maybe some Mary J.
1. Chapter 1

**So here's my newest fic (that'll probably never get finished eh-heh) set in Ouran Academy. But trust me, this fic isn't about silly blonde-boys and "genderless" heroines. Though, personally, I absolutely love Tamaki and Haruhi...perhaps they'll make an appearance later in the fic...if I get that far.**

**Anyways-hurray for Host Club Kyo! *squeee***

**Chapter One**

"Oh, come on, Yuya! Please?" Yukimura begged.

Yuya Shiina turned around, "I already said no. Now stop following me, you're gonna make me late for the entrance exam." Turning back around, she continued walking down the street.

And, like an abandoned puppy, her long-time friend, Yukimura Sanada, followed after her. "Yuya, please! I don't want to go to Ouran." Seeing that plainly stating his wishes wasn't working, Yukimura tried a different tactic, "This could be your chance to go to an elite school. You could learn so many things that would help you gain so many oppurtunities."

"But learning those things won't help me if everyone thinks I'm _you_. And won't they know _I'm_ not _you_?"

Ah, and so we come to the heart of the matter.

Earlier that very day, Yukimura had learned an awful truth: he had to go to school and learn how to run his family's business. Now, being the carefree wanderer he was, this idea most certainly didn't appeal to him. Sitting in a classroom all day was just too boring. So what had he done? Well, the idea hadn't come across his mind until he'd passed his old friend, Yuya.

He had always gotten on to Yuya about how she needed to be more feminine. Now he knew how her her boyish-ness would come in handy.

"But no one at Ouran has ever seen me! They wouldn't know!" Yukimura said. "Please Yuya?"

Yuya sighed, "For the last time, Yukimura, n-!"

Yukimura ran in front of her and dropped to his knees, "Yuya! Please! I really don't want to go! And you really do owe me one, this is the perfect time to pay me back!"

"You said you'd never bring that up again! And it doesn't matter," Yuya tried to tug the boy back up to his feet. People were starting to stare. "I'm not doing it. Now get up!"

Finally, Yukimura got to his feet. He walked dejectedly behind Yuya, since Ouran was in the same relative direction as her own school.

The blue-eyed boy sighed, "I really wish you would help me."

"Too bad," said Yuya, "and nothing you say can make me do it. Not even fancy tuna."

Yukimura paused, "...what about...cake?"

Yuya froze, one foot in front of the other, "...what?"

Yukimura smirked. He had her now. "Oh, nothing. It's just, Ouran has the best Culianry Arts class in the whole world. I've heard the pastries are to _die_ for."

He continued walking. Yuya's head hung low, her bangs shadowed her eyes, "...Damn you, Yukimura."

"Now," he said, "we just have to get you to look like a boy so you can take the entrance exam. This is going to be so much fun!" He almost gave in to the urge to frolic. _Almost_.

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Yuya took a good look around the library before she quietly closed the door. Not that it would have mattered-the other students in the room obviously didn't know that libraries were supposed to be quiet.

As she made her way down the hall, she scratched at her wig. The fake black hair wasn't as irritating as most wigs, but her head still got hot and sweaty. In her hands, she carried a textbook all about French cuisine. The teacher wanted to "start the year with something simple."

She finally reached the end of the hall. In front of her was what the teacher told her was an unused mini-cafe. He had been so happy that one of his students wanted to study outside of class, he went ahead and gave her a spare key. Peeking in, she sighed in relief when she didn't see anyone. So it really was unused. She closed the door and set her books down on the counter in the small kitchen.

"Hmm, as I thought. Since it isn't used, I'll have to get ingredients from the teacher to cook with," she said to herself as she checked all the cupboards.

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_Knock knock._

"Yes? Come in."

Yuya opened the door and tried walking in a confidently as possible. Everytime students stared at her, she felt like her cover had been blown.

"Ah, what is it, Yanada-kun?" Yuya's culinary teacher was a kind and generous man, for which she was grateful. She never would have been able to interupt one of his classes if he were anyone else.

"Ano, I need ingredients, Torii-sensei." She tried to keep her voice neutral, but even though the other students had gone back to cooking their lesson she still had the uneasy feeling of someone watching her.

Torii-sensei smiled at her. Even though he thought she was Yukimura, "Yukimura" was one of his most promising students. "By all means," he gestured to the back where all the ingredients were, "help yourself to whatever you need."

"Thank you, sensei," and when she turned towards the back of the room, her deep blue contacts met blood red. Time froze for an eternity, stricken with fear. Never had she seen such demonic eyes. Forever finally stopped and time moved on. A little wobbly and feeling like she had just encountered Death itself, Yuya made her way to the ingredients with her textbook in hand.

As she passed the boy with the ruby irises, she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. She walked slightly faster when she saw him glancing back.

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On the top floor of the South building, at the end of the North hallway, one could hear the sound of pots clinking and smell the scent of cakes baking.

Yuya hummed lightly to herself as she stirred the batter for her strawberry shortcake. Her deceased brother, Nozomu, used to make it for her family all the time. They would sit around the table laughing and telling stories about each person's day. She smiled fondly at the memory.

She paused when she heard the door open and close. "Hello?" she called. When no one answered she shrugged and chucked it up to imagination.

Turning around to pour the batter into a pan, Yuya didn't see him walk in the door. She didn't see him lean against the doorframe, watching her. When she turned back around to gather her utensils, she let out a gasp of surprise.

"Wh-who-" she cleared her throat, "Who are you?"

"Nothing, Dog Face," the boy said.

"...What did you call me?"

The boy said nothing as he strolled over to the counter. He swiped a finger in the left over batter and stuck it in his mouth. It slicked out with a pop and he said, "Needs more sugar."

Yuya couldn't believe it. Who the hell was this guy? She'd only seen him when she had gotten ingredients from Torii-sensei, and suddenly he was telling her how to cook?

"Okay, seriously, who the hell are you?"

If she hadn't been so irritated, she might've found him attractive. He was tall and lean. The school's uniform did little to hide his limber body, and she mentally slapped herself when she thought about what his abs and pecks must look like. His shaggy black hair framed his handsome face. His red eyes watched her with an odd allure that kept her from looking away. They were guarded and taunting-as if he knew something the rest of the world didn't.

"I'm not someone you want to mess with," he said.

He pulled out a stool and sat down. Minutes ticked by and he just sat there, watching her. It was unnerving to say the least. She started cleaning her tools to keep her mind busy and, when she was done, she arranged and rearranged the ingredients until the batter had finished baking.

She looked around for her oven mits and found the boy playing with them. He smirked and let her snatch them out of his hands. Slowly, delicately, she spread the pink icing on the perfectly layered cake.

The red-eyed boy watched as she placed each strawberry on the cake, as if each one had a designated place and she was the director helping them get there.

When Yuya finished, she leaned back to admire her work. Not as good as Nozomu's, but certainly better than her mother's.

"So now what are you going to do with it?"

She had completely forgotten he was there...that's what she tried to tell herself. In truth, he was so good at hiding his presence, she had been startled to hear his deep baritone speak up so suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

He motioned at the cake with a lazy wave of his hand, "What are you going to do with it? You certainly can't eat all of it by yourself. You're way too scrawny."

She huffed at his "scrawny" comment, "Well _you_ certainly aren't getting any of it."

"Hn," was the only reply she got.

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Yuya sighed. It had been a long day-and the day was only half over. She had studied all the courses for the day. No one had gym this period, so she thought she'd go sit by the pool and study. She couldn't swim, but she loved the sound of water.

Opening the door, she found herself practically face-to-face with the boy who had decided to stalk her that morning and another boy who could've been his twin, except with blue eyes.

"Oh," said the blue-eyed boy, "who are you?"

Yuya was caught a little off guard by the similarity in their looks, "Ah, Y-Yukimura Sanada."

Recognition dawned on the boy's face, "Sanada-kun! Nice to finally meet you. My name is Kyoshiro Mibu," he extended his hand for her to shake. "I must say, you're a bit shorter than I remember. Then again, I haven't seen you at any formal business meetings for quite some time." Yuya decided that she liked his easy-going laugh.

Kyoshiro turned to the boy next to him, "Kyo, have you met Sanada-kun yet?"

The boy smirked, "No."

_Bullcrap_, Yuya thought.

"Ah, well, maybe next time then," Kyoshiro glanced over his shoulder as he walked away, "It was nice meeting you, Sanada-kun. Maybe you could come visit our club sometime."

Kyo barked out a laugh. "What?" Kyoshiro asked cluelessly.

"Heh heh, nothing you idiot." And with that the two boys left.

Yuya watched them leave, wondering how a boy as seemingly nice as Kyoshiro could be friends with someone like Kyo. Perhaps it was how close their names were? She shrugged and let the idle thought slide.

Eager to start reading, she dug through her bag while she headed towards the poolside lounge chairs. She was so caught up in searching for her book that she didn't see the puddle of water until her feet slipped out from under her and she plunged, head first, into the chlorinated water.

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Kyoshiro paused in his tracks as Kyo quickly glanced behind them, "What is it Kyo?"

He said nothing for a moment and then, "I think I left something back at the pool. You go on without me."

Kyoshiro didn't remember Kyo having anything with him when they had gone _in_, but if there was one thing he's learned early in life, it was to never argue with Kyo.

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She was surrounded by bubbles. In her panicked and scrambling state, the strap of her bag wrapped around her arms and her throat, causing her to panic even more. She was drowning. She was going to drown and no one would be there to save her.

_Just like Nozomu-nii-san_, she thought as black creeped around the edges of her conciousness.

Just when her arms and legs were about to give out, she felt herself being lifted out of the water. She coughed up water as a strong and warm hand steadied her. Weak with the terror of nearly dying, she slowly layed down against the smooth, solid floor, still coughing up water.

A familiar voice growled out, "You can't swim, yet you came to the pool. So not only are you ugly, you're an idiot too."

Lacking the strength to tell him to shut-up, she opted with pushing herself up onto her knees. The floor was starting to hurt her breasts, which were bound. The water just didn't want to come out of her lungs.

Yuya faintly remembered she was wearing a _white_ blouse and that white and water did not mix well for women. She turned her shoulder to hopefully shield herself from Kyo. She couldn't be found out. _Not now_, she prayed. But alas, God doesn't answer every prayer. Even if she hadn't been weak from shock, Yuya knew she wouldn't have been able to fight Kyo when he turned her to face him.

She hung limply from his arms, her body wracked with hacking coughs, as he carried her towards a lounge chair and set her down. She struggled some when he began peeling off her soaked blazer. "N-no," she cried weakly. Why was she still having so much trouble breathing?

"Oh, shut it, Dog Face. I already know your little 'secret', so it's no use fighting me." He held up her wig, "It fell off when I dragged you out of the pool." He flung it to the side and began unbuttoning her blouse. Yuya had barely registered what he was doing when she suddenly found her torso bare before him. Not even the gauze used to bind her breasts covered her.

Before she could scream at him, his warm hand pounded against her back. Finally, the water that had been cloggin her lungs came out. When it had all been coughed up, she tried as best she could to cover her breasts.

Kyo looked at the girl trembling pathetically before him. He shrugged out of his own jacket and lightly tossed it over her head and shoulders. It didn't cover her chest like he was sure she wanted, but at least it wasn't soaked. He was such a nice guy.

Yuya looked up at Kyo with dread. Her dread turned to horror as a feral grin slowly spread across his face. She could only imagine the twisted things that were going through his head.

**Aaaaaaand that's it for chapter one XD**

**I have to save all my good ideas for the later chapters.**

**Kyo: Bullshit, you just got tired of typing.**

**Says who? . .**

**Kyo: v_v;**

**R&R please ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Whooo! Chapter 2! So, just for future reference, does anyone want me to write a "Yuya in Wonderland" chapter? It probably won't be coming anytime soon, but it's nice to know and plan things like this in advance ^^**

**And now I give you, Host King Kyo~**

**Chapter 2**

In the top of the South building, at the end of the North hallway, Yuya Shiina sat trembling as she waited for Kyo to return.

After quickly finding her a towel (and throwing it in her face), he promptly threw her over his shoulder and carried her back to the mini-cafe. He then left her sitting on a stool, threatening her to not leave that spot until he had come back.

She idly fingered the soaked wig that rested beside her on the counter. He was probably going to tell a teacher, the principal, or some other school authority who had the power to expel her. A part of Yuya told her to run, to find a phone and call Yukimura, tell him they had been found out. But another part, one that was both afraid of and intrigued by Kyo, told her to stay put, to heed his warning of what he would do should she disobey him.

She was still debating whether to run or stay when Kyo came back. And he wasn't alone.

Never had Yuya seen a more beautiful man. His pale blonde hair haloed around him, seeming to glow even in the artificial light of the building. Sea green eyes gazed upon her with curiosity, mirroring her own. He wore white hakama and a deep purple haori over a white kimono. The older Japanese attire only added to his ethereal appearance.

Kyo's voice broke through her appraisal of the new man, "Well, old man, what do you think?" Ah, so Kyo had told him about her.

"I believe it would be best if we heard her side of the story, Kyo." The man had looked so delicate, his voice startled her. It was surprisingly powerful and commanded attention.

Kyo began to say something in response, but the man held up his hand to silence him. Turning to Yuya, he said, "Miss, please tell me your name and why you have been mascarading as Yukimura Sanada." He wasn't smiling, but Yuya got the distinct impression he was being gentle. And so she told the man everything. From how Yukimura had begged her to take his place, to the pool incident where Kyo found out her secret. Had it really only been moments ago?

Once she had finished her tale, the man had a small smile on his face and Kyo just looked bored.

"Oh, and my name is actually Yuya Shiina," she remembered.

The man nodded his head in acknowledgement before facing Kyo, "Kyo, what do _you_ think we should do about this situation?"

Yuya almost cried out in horror. He was going to let _Kyo_ decide what to do?

He grinned evilly at Yuya for a moment, "And why do you want my opinion?"

The man sighed, "Because I'm trying to teach you how to make good judgements and decisions." He sounded as if he were a parent reminding a child that vegetables were healthier than chocolate.

Kyo scowled at the man, obviously not happy with the implication that he couldn't make his own decisions at his age.

He thought for a moment before coming to the conclusion, "I think we should send _Miss_ Yuya and invitation to join Ouran."

The blonde girl blinked at him in surprise. They weren't going to expel her...er, "Yukimura?"

The man sighed, "You're going to do it either way, aren't you?"

Kyo just laughed-chills of fright ran down Yuya's spine-"Of course, old man. That Sanada needs to learn that he can't have his way all the time."

Yuya and the man shared a pointed look.

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Yuya searched through multiple keys on a ring that should have been replaced years ago. Her landlord was a bit of a klutz and Yuya had a part-time job cleaning apartments, so he had given her the key to every apartment. He had lost the master key the day he had it made.

"I'm home!" she shouted once she was inside.

"_There_ you are!" A lovely woman stormed to the front door, pink hair flying behind her and a priest's staff clutched tightly in one hand. Concern, rage, frustration, and a whole heap of emotions filled her eyes. Some liked to picture her with snakes for hair and demon fangs. Yes, Akari was a very lovely "woman."

"Hi Dad," Yuya said.

The crossdresser swung his staff at Yuya's head, which she dodged with practiced ease. "You are in serious trouble little lady! What's this about you earning a scholarship to Ouran Academy? SINCE WHEN DID YOU APPLY FOR SUCH AN ELITE SCHOOL?"

Yuya sighed, _So he sent the invitation already._ The blonde knew in Akari's heart-of-hearts that he wasn't upset about her getting into Ouran. He was upset that he didn't find out until afterwards. Granted, she had just found out herself, but Akari liked to know these things. He was one of her legal guardians, after all.

A gruff voice came from the kitchen, "Leave 'er be, Akari. She probably didn't tell you because she knew you'd freak out...you know, kinda like you're doin' now?"

"OH _SHUT-UP_, BONTENMARU!"

Yuya made her way to the kitchen where the mouth-watering smell of curry wafted in on the breeze coming from an open window. An extremely large and muscular man stooped over a pot of rice, willing with all his might for the damn grains to cook faster. Dressed in only sweatpants, Yuya could tell that he hadn't gone to work today, otherwise he'd at least still have his socks on. He smiled gently as Yuya approached and gave her one of his infamous bear-hugs.

"So, how'd our little girl do today?"

"Okay, I guess, Mama." Growing up with them as she had, it never occurred to Yuya that having a male crossdresser for a father and one of the manliest men she knew for a mother might be odd. And they didn't mind, so long as it was Yuya and only Yuya.

Akari slunk back into the kitchen, unwilling to apologize for over-reacting, but unwilling to be left out of the conversation.

And so, Yuya told them of how Yukimura convinced her to go to Ouran in his place-to which they both gave her disapproving looks-and how she had been found out by one of the students. Akari was slightly relieved that she hadn't applied to Ouran without his knowledge (and a bit proud that she could take on the guise of a boy so easily). Bontemaru simply lit a pipe and muttered something about smacking Yukimura upside his head.

"So, now I have an invitation to Ouran, which I really can't accept because I can't be me and Yukimura at the same time. What should I do?" As odd as the pair was, Yuya trusted Akari and Bontemaru whole-heartedly. They were a clever bunch in tough situations.

Suddenly, Akari snapped his fingers, "I GOT IT!"

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Yukimura smiled at the three people in front of him apprehensively. He never knew an ex-professional wrestler, a transvestite, and a school-girl could be so intimidating.

Akari and Yuya had spread before him a wide variety of make-up. A blonde wig had been pinned to his own ebony locks. And yet, he still had no idea what was going on.

"Eh-heh, as much fun as dress-up might be, I-"

"Can it Sanada," Akari barked. "It's because of you that Yuya has to find a way to be at Ouran as you _and_ as herself." An evil grin spread from ear to ear across the pinkette's face. "So now," he held up a seemingly random (to Yukimura) bottle of make-up, "you're going to help her be her."

"Wh-what?"

The neighbors all ignored the screams of terror coming from apartment 2B. They'd all seen the evil glint in Akari's eye when he invited Yukimura inside. Whatever was going on in there was certainly unpleasant, to say the least, and none of the inhabitants claimed themselves to be heroic enough to save him.

**And that's a wrap. End of chapter 2.**

**Enter: Akari, Bontenmaru, and kudos if you know who the "beautiful man" is.**

**Yukimura: QAQ What are you planning to do to me?**

**All in due time, Yuki-kun. All in due time *D**


End file.
